At our Day of Recollection we used two exercises to learn more about how we are each motivated on our spiritual journey. The first of these was described as a meditation with seed. In this form of meditation one enters one's quiet space of communion with the Divine but takes with one a seed thought which will grow in this space. In this way we were taking one question to God or were asking the Holy Spirit to help us answer one question very deeply. For the purpose of our meeting the question we kept with us to unfold in that Presence was, `What do I want?' and `What more do I want?' Each of us had personal answers which we shared with each other, however it was clear that we all had one common wish, and that was for a connection with that Mystery.

Our second exercise asked us to be aware of the facets of our own personality. We were given some of the facets which Fritz Kunkel used, those which must be moved beyond in order to grow.

Each type has a theme derived from a goal and an abyss which comes from encounters with reality.

Here are the four types we discussed. The Clinging Vine, whose goal is absolute security granted and guaranteed by a reliable and mighty protector, has a theme of striving for security and protection, a hothouse plant seeking warmth. The abyss which it must inevitably encounter is the loss of protection, being forced to depend on one's own resources. The Turtle, whose goal is absolute privacy and calmness, or to be undisturbable, has the theme of wanting to be left alone. The abyss for a turtle is being disturbed, being touched and having emotional reactions stirred up. The Star, whose goal is the greatest popularity, recognition and applause, has a theme of wanting to be admired. It will find an abyss when laughed at, ridiculed or despised, or on encountering loss of dignity and esteem. The Nero, who has the goal of absolute power, blind obedience by and devotion from followers, has a theme of wanting power for power's sake. Its abyss comes when it suffers a loss of influence, is not obeyed or even has to obey.

Our exercise was the following. What is the most dominant part (a sub-personality that is a big part of your own eccentricity) which interferes with your connection to God?

We could use Kunkel's types or one from previous self study. We were asked to name this part and then dialogue with it. For example, "How are you,_______, keeping me away from God and other people?.... or How much are you,_____, getting in the way?" Try to understand more.

Each time we dialogue within ourselves we are making connections which allow for integration and open up self-understanding thus facilitating our journey. Those of us participating found the exercise very useful.

                                              A.S.

I am still thinking about this book, as I have just finished reading it. It contains many well thought out discussions which wind around distinctions of willfulness and willingness. On one hand we have our self generated movements and on the other the openness to convey those of our spiritual core. The author looks at the fundamental definitions needed for the discussion. His thought on consciousness pushes one to think. He does not stop with simple self awareness, but on looking at the variety of human experience he concludes that Consciousness is always accompanied by Mystery, and that "It seems quite certain, in fact, that rather that saying, `I have consciousness,' it would be far more accurate to say, `consciousness has me'." After looking at parameters that define various states, like focused or open attention, and alert or dull awareness, he is ready to talk about unitive experiences, (his name for a spiritual experience which is characterized by the loss of self-definition). The experience is over when one again becomes self-aware. These are very powerful experiences and yet are at times completely forgotten. At other times they are the beginning or fuel for an intense spiritual search. So the author leads us into thinking about human spiritual longing as a basic dimension of our lives. The spiritual journey seems inevitable, not optional as our culture might have us think.

The next explorations are of fear and love. Fear, because the key in a unitive experience is the loss of self-definition. We are not in many ways at ease with losing our sense of identity even if it is for the greatest reward. Hence there is fear and all the ploys and escapes that are used and influence one on the search for union with god. While Love is the antidote to fear, it too is a vast territory with confusion and distortion possible in multiple ways. To find that perfect love that casts out fear seems indeed as tricky as engineering a unitive experience. As I read these chapters I felt that I was at once growing in understanding and that I would need to read them again to really feel comfortable with them. In fact I feel that way about the whole book, but not in a negative way.

In my brief review of the material covered in this book, I am now only half way. If we are to understand Love and Fear then we must explore Energy, that force which perhaps consciousness is made of. If there is a force which underlies everything, and modern physics assures us that there is, then we must explore duality and of course good and evil. So the book covers quite a bit of ground. Throughout the whole there is an insistence that the fundamental posture of a spiritual seeker be one of willingness, as any other will only put obstacles in one's path. So part of the book is teaching what is spiritual surrender and what is not, and part is an overwhelming argument in its favor. As I have my own questions about this facet of the journey it was a very good book for me to read. Many breakfast dialogues were fueled by the issues touched at various points within the book. I recommend it for slow and thoughtful reading.

                                              A.S.